Don't miss out on happiness by pursuing HAPPINESS

What does the word "happiness" mean to you? What do you feel or imagine when you think about being happy, or pursuing happiness, or wishing your children have happy lives?

The following are definitions of happiness (from Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com):

• a state of well-being and contentment

• good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy

• the state of being delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

At its core definition, happiness is kind of boring. It is contentment. It is a small grin of gladness. It is an arms-crossed, sitting-back-in-your-seat state of being relatively pleased.

So why does happiness seem so elusive?

First of all, I think there is an overfocus on this word. Why is this THE thing we all are taught to pursue in American culture? How often do you hear about the pursuit of satisfaction? Or relief, peace, or contentedness?

Secondly, we overinflate the intensity of the emotion. Often when people say they want to be happy, they are saying, perhaps subconsciously, that they want constant excitement and bliss. They want "The hills are alive" arms-out levels of heart swell. They want immersement in joy soup. They want Christmas morning.

This desire can lead one to unwittingly pursue a constant stream of dopamine hits. By serially dating new and exciting people. By overspending on clothes, cars, and swimming pools. By overconsuming food and alcohol. By gambling frequently. All of these will lead to net negative results in life - debt, weight problems, relationship instability. Not the recipe for happiness.

Thirdly, we overinflate the scale of happiness and the requirements necessary to achieve it. We think that true happiness is bigger and better than we can experience at the moment, and it is out there in the future. It will come with a bigger job, or a dream spouse, or a lake house. So we work and work and delay gratification, just knowing that capital-H Happiness is waiting for us if only we do all the right things to earn it. This years-long pursuit, however, leads to increased stress and angst. Again, not the recipe for happiness.

I think we could all benefit by making our happiness a bit more down to earth and accessible. More here right now. What if happiness = peace? End stop. What if happiness is the ABSENCE of negatives, rather than the constant PRESENCE of positives? What if it is less stress, less angst, less on the to-do list, less debt, less obligation?

What if happiness is a Wednesday morning with a manageable amount of work? Or an evening with the family sitting in the backyard. Or a soft tshirt. Happiness may simply be slowly, steadily, finding your way towards things that give you a little spark and away from things that give you a feeling of "ugh". By chasing Happiness, you might just be missing happiness.

Instead of thinking on a grand scale of WHAT I NEED TO DO TO BE MORE HAPPY, just scale it back. What tiny changes can you make this week to just let the light in a bit? To give yourself a bit more time, space, or ease?

Happiness is finding the right balance of money, time, and health. The ratios of these will adjust depending on your stage of life. When we are young, energetic adults just getting started in life, we often need money more than we need time. As we become more established in our careers, we start to crave time and rest more than we need more money. The key is finding the right balance, without completely sacrificing one of these. Complete focus on making money at the expense of your health is not the recipe for happiness. And focusing completely on health and me-time at the expense of being able to support yourself financially is not sustainable. Where is your current ratio? What small lever can you pull to get yourself better into the right alignment for your station in life?